dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think my moral compass just broke
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