I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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