A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I smell stomach acid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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