Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
