dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
