so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
