she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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