Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
