my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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