i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
