Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
