i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
