just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
