I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That accounts for only three of the penises
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize