dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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