Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
