recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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