maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
