I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
