do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
