I cockslap morals
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
