btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
