Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
