so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
