gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
