I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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