Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
