I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
