I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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