I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
