Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
