yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize