So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
