She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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