So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
