Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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