she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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