I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
