My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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