I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
