Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
