before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
