***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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