P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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