I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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