Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
