So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
