My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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