i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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