Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
