Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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