It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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