hell yes lets make some ravioli
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
