theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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