so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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