All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
