Who did Billy Mays play for?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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