I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
