Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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