Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
