Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
