And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
