I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The air was thick with penises
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
