dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
