I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
