Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
